Monday, 4 July 2011

Stepping out

I wasn't going to write this and still unsure about it all because alot of what i write is with hurt and anger.
Chatterbox (dh's 12 yr old daughter) has caused a few problems lately and last night was the last straw for me. I've named this page stepping out because i'm trying to distance myself from my step daughter.
A few weeks ago we went to a 1 yr old's birthday party in a different town. We didn't know many people so i was happy enough to follow our kids around, especially bub. The whole time we were there Chatterbox kept coming over to me and telling me how anti social i am and what a nigel, and reject etc i am. i said, look it's a kids party, i'm not here to be social but to celebrate the little boy's party, but as a mother it's my duty to also look after our kids. She didn't let up, even sat in a chair near where i was talking to birthday boy's dad and she would sing anti social (my name), then go ooh that's got a ring to it. I ignored it. Then when the birthday cake was getting done she had no hesitation in saying out loud, "this cake is much better than yours yesterday". Mind you sh;es had more than 5 pieces of the cake i made. I was fed up by this stage and told her she's better keep her mouth shut or there'd be big big trouble.
Fast forward to last night....
She was meant to come to our house after school. her school is 1 block away. She never arrived. Instead, dh gets a text from BM (bio mum) to say chatterbox text her to ask if she can go to MK's ( a friend that bm and us have banned her from seeing). BM says no and can we go and pick her up. Well, the big question that no one could answer was pick her up from where??We start ringing around but to no avail. So dh drives around her area looking. The scary thing too is lately in that area there have been 6 attempted abductions of girls around her age. After 1 hour of driving around he comes home. Within that hour, on my side of things, i'm trying to bath the kids, one of whom was sick, feed them a slap happy find anything in the fridge dinner, and look on chatterbox's facebook and ring around her friends. No one had much information. One of her FB friends thought it was her on line and was even asking where are you everyone is worried about you then i informed her it was me. One of her friends mum's rang and gave me a little bit of info....apparently chatterbox told her daughter she doesn't want to come over because one day she was playing with the kids and i barged in and told her to get away from the kids and she is not welcome in this house with us anymore. We later found out that this is apparently what i told her whilst at that party. I was fuming when i got off the phone after hearing the lies she said about me. When i told dh i was so upset i cried. He just stood there. Don't know if he just was shocked for words or what, but i'm still upset at the fact he couldn't comfort me for what was said. I understand she's his daughter but i am his wife who has been through so much with that girl, who is often the only one who notices things about her and helps her, who looks out for her and what she gets up to on facebook rather than be ignorant about it. I cook special meals for her when i know they are her favourites, i hire movies for her and i to watch together. I compliment her on her efforts at school and tell her how proud we are of her.I'm not perfect, and i do raise my voice at her when it's called for, i do tell her when i don't approve of something she's done, but i was treating her just as i would my own children. never again. 
anyway, Dh finally gets a hold of her and finds she's just gotten a lift to MK;s house. we sort the kids out and next thing BM has turned up to discuss things. I'm glad she's trying to reach out and communicate and work with us so i hope dh keeps it up.
Once the kids are in bed dh goes to pick chatterbox up. I sit waiting anxiously to see what mood she is in. I have the biggest headache ever to the point my vision was funny and i couldn't see words or objects properly. he arrives home with her and she stomps through the house into her bedroom. I question Dh and he says she didn't want to come here and begged to stay at her friends but he made her come. She told him about me saying i didn't want her here and he was upset at me for that. I was shocked 1. because she is manipulative enough for people to believe this stuff and 2. that he believed her and would think that after everything i do with and for her that i would have the heart to say that. So i tell him the FULL story and what i actually really said and how she's twisted my words to make me out to be the bad one and people to feel sorry for her. He sat there and asked why didn't i tell him any of this. I said why would i? it just looks like i'm trying to be a bitch, i dealt with it and thought all was over. Obviously that was a huuuge mistake. He went and got her out of her room to make her apologise for how she treated me at that party. I appreciate his thought but it meant nothing on her half. She shuffled in to the loungeroom, head down, mumbled sorry then wandered off. Not good enough in my eyes so i requested her to come back. I told her i was feeling very angry, hurt, and just generally in shock for what she put us all through tonight, not knowing where she was, then for the way she spoke to me, and really hurt that she makes up stories about me and what i say. i suggested she doesn't talk to me for the weekend. she shuffled back into her room and cried!

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