linking with diary of a SAHM for I blog on tuesdays and Things I can't say for Pour your heart out
I started reading this book called the real marriage. I imagine it will be helpful...but only if both husband and wife read it. I am only 1 or 2 chapters into it and one thing that intrigued me was that for a successful marriage you need to be friends with your spouse. I thought wow, I'm not a very good friend. Half the stuff I do , don't do, or say to Dh i would never say to a friend. So I tried to slowly change my way. If i felt bitchy I'd think would I treat a friend like that? If i didn't want to do something because dh annoyed me I'd think but would I do it for my friend? If only Dh read that and maybe the weekend wouldn't have been so shit.
All weekend he let chatterbox have his lap top. I tried to warn him not to and let him know she is spending time on facebook but he didn't care. I swear his reasoning is out of sight out of mind. He didn't have to deal with her if she is out of the way. Next thing she is ringing a friend, the friend she should not be communicating with if it can be helped. He allowed it though. Later around 10:30pm I hear her talking on the phone again. I suggest he take the phone off her. A 13yr does not need to be talking that late into the night. But no of course he didn't.
At one stage in the night, around midnight, the dog goes off. A person bark. Little man cried out terrified, I run to him and immediately comfort him. I don't think to look at the back door on my way at all. I assume every night that dh locks it with the key. Especially since break ins occur at least 5 times each weekend night. I lay with Little man for a while then realise if i am in his room I won't hear bub cry so carry him into our bed. Around 1am bub cried for her bottle. Most times I'll give it to her and go back to bed. Tonight I decided to stay in her bed for cuddles and because little man was taking up all the room and dh was snoring like a train. I shut the door so that she is not woken at 5:30am when little man likes to get up and watch rage lol. Little did I know that shutting the door meant not hearing a thing through out the night.
I get up at some ungodly hour like 6am...to the sound of Rage blaring out of the tv. I notice the back sliding door is left open a couple inches. Immediate reaction is to check chatterbox given her history. She was there. So i question dh why didn't he close it. He then tell me chatterbox went out last night without any of us knowing ( i am thinking around the time the dog barked) with her dodgy trashy friends. The cops saw her walking along (on the other side of town) and saw she is a minor so picked her up for her safety and brought her back to us at about 4:30am. WOW. I didn't not hear any of it so I was in disbelief thinking dh was pulling my leg.
I realised he was for real and I felt so angry. I didn't care that she'd escaped. I was angry that she left our door open. She put my family at risk. In this town everyone is on edge thinking it's not a matter of IF you'll get broken into, it's a matter of WHEN. And they don't only take your stuff they play a game of standing watching you sleep til you wake then they run. These people don't care about dogs either. They bait them. Throw meat over to distract the dog then get in. SHE put us at risk of that happening. Not only by leaving our door open but by hanging out with the kind of low lives that do this sort of thing. How dare she. I felt like stripping her bare of everything she had. make her vulnerable like she did to our family. I stripped her of a warm blanket right then and there when I realised Dh was for real. She thinks it's ok to wander around in the freezing cold all night then she does not deserve a blanket. As we travelled in the car together that morning to go out ( as we could NOT leave her home alone )I could not stop myself verbally giving it to her. She could not even look me in the eye. I ask her why, why did she do it?? the answer...dunno. Bullshit it's dunno I told her. You made a choice, therefore there was a reason behind it. She had tears. Well good! I told her what risk she put our kids at last night. Of course she laughed at me. She does not think past herself. I question the post on her facebook about boys asking for headjobs on her facebook wall. She is 13!!! A 13 yr old gets a post like that on her wall. I didn't even know what that was at her age. Again she laughs...oh that was a joke. I tell her it may be a joke to her but to other older boys who do not know her that well don't see that as a joke, they see that as an invitation. Does she care. No. DH sits quietly. Very naively asks...did your friends force you to go out last night??...wake up dh , no way, she initiates this. If only he would read her inboxes from last year (when we luckily had access to her fb password without her knowing) where she was the one telling her friends to sneak out and meet up .
On the way home I inform her she will be scrubbing the bathroom. She tried to say no. i told her not to dare as i would drag her sorry arse into that bathroom myself. We stop at the shop on the way home to get ham. Chatterbox goes in with dh, meanwhile i ring his mother to tell her what happened and get advice as DH was acting like nothing was wrong and being all nice to her. She was shocked at his actions and said he needed to wake up to himself. They get back to the car, I hang up and here's dh and chatterbox laughing sharing a joke between each other. wtf?? she didn't just steal food out of the fridge ...she snuck out leaving our door open!!!
Get home and I prepare a bowl with cleaning liquid, a scrubbing brush and some wipes. Some time later Dh has not come out of the bathroom. There he is helping her scrub it. Laughing together again. now is not the time to be all nice and daddy on her. That time was many years ago but he blew it because he didn't know how to deal with her. I ask why is he helping, and he says because the stuff wasn't working so it was taking her a long time. Hmm, yeh, so what she can scrub harder!!
Next thing he has her bag packed ready to take her back to bio mum (BM). I inform him it's far too early (about 5 hours too early) and why is he doing this. He had no answer. He didn't even inform BM. So i send a heads up text. He turned up and said he was dropping chatterbox off because her and I are fighting. BM told him to deal with it, she deserves everything i deal out to her and shut the door. He drove around for the next few hours just so chatterbox didn't have to get into any more trouble from me.
BM dropped in to see me and we discussed it. She told me she wasn't happy with dh's approach and it is sending chatterbox a very mixed message. I also discussed it with dh's mum on the phone again and she said to me obviously my being nice act didn't work so do away with mary poppins and don't be nice to her not fter what she has done. She told me to point out to dh that the only time we fight like this is when chatterbox is with us so what does that tell him. The best advice was to send him and her camping this weekend to get rid of them so I don't have to watch him let her get away with everything.
What I don't get is only last week I offered to have her live with us and he blatantly refused saying she treats him like shit he doesn't want her around. Now...she treats the family like shit but he drives her away so she didn't have to hear it. A friend wouldn't do that. A friend would stick by the people who have had wrong done against them. But instead he acted like the enemy and stood up for the person who did the wrong ! If she only treated dh like shit I would have continued my Mary poppins act of being nice and lovely and everything was like water off a duck's back. But she wronged my family, she wronged my kids so mary poppins has left.