Monday, 20 February 2012

6 years......

I was cleaning my sons room and found a wallet. It was the football world cup in 2006 wallet. I pondered over it for ages thinking wow that was 6 years ago. so much has happened in 6 years.
6 years ago this was my life.....
I was training a golden retriever puppy, which involved attending puppy preschool
I lived alone in a 2 bedroom flat. I will never ever forget that flat. It was a really nice feeling flat (even though the neighbours were total weirdo stalker type people). I had such a small fridge and never ever thought I would need a big fridge.
I was as single as could be. Had no interest in any male and was fearful I would live single forever and just have Sebastian my dog as my friend.
I was starting weekly rehearsals for a musical called westside story.
Worked full time as a director at an ABC childcare centre.

come April 6 years ago (so April 2006) and I miss a close friends wedding due to the fact an awful horrible fat woman abusing ex stole my money a few months prior and I didn't have enough to travel with to see her wedding. So instead i reluctantly attend a work colleagues hens night. Her and I were only just building a friendship over the last 8 months so I felt a bit odd going out.
Once out I met Dh.
In that 6 years the following happened....

fell pregnant within 1 month of meeting dh
gained 2 step children
had dh move in with me then we eventually bought a house that same year
got engaged then married 3 yrs later
had 3 earth babies and one angel baby
lots of up and downs with step kids
holidays to various places
eldest daughter attending school

So...6 years ago I would never have ever imaged the 6 years to be anything like they turned out. Proves to show you really can not plan your life in any way whatsoever

Saturday, 18 February 2012

blogger Droid

Downloaded this last night so am seeing if it works .will even attempt a photo upload

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Friday, 17 February 2012

so many fairies all in one place

miss 5 wanted a fairy party. she's never had a big party before so i was a bit hesitant until one of her friends mum was all excited for it and said sh'ed help me.
We met up to think of games etc and i did a quick count in my head and estimated 8-10coming. Yep, quite manageable. Then I wrote out the invitations and crapped myself. 16 children!!!!I was freaking by now. Come 2 days before the party and I was panicking that I wouldn't be able t make it look like a fairy party. My friend helped heaps and it was such a great party.

Being in a step family sux

As I write this i feel sad, angry, hurt, bitter, confused. We are having yet more troubles with chatterbox. To summarise she has been taking off in the middle of the night from her mum's house, hanging out with a friend who smokes and has sex etc (aged 13), wagging school, misbehaving at school, bad attitude, lying about her mum and myself abusing her, the list goes on.
I have been so so involved because no one was doing anything. I was the only one who was firm and could see the seriousness in what she was doing. BM ( bio mum, her mum) and I have developed a really good relationship, and we are (or were) trying to for once be all consistent in how we manage chatterbox. Chatterbox is really not liking this at all and playing up worse as a result. And of course she blames me cos she knows it's all my doing. I am the one who attends her appointments with dr's etc, meeting at school with teachers. I am the one who found her wagging and walking into town one day so grabbed her and put her in the car and dragged her to the police.
DH on the other hand is watching from a distance I feel. He's admitted to falling apart and not coping, but hey it's happening to all of us. I feel so angry with him because i do so much to try and keep this all going and attending things he can't get to or picking her up etc yet feel so unappreciated. i know as  Christian i shouldn't be doing things to be noticed but there's a difference to doing things humbly and being used . I feel used. It's ok for me to do it all but it's not ok for me to be angry when she lies about me. it's ok for me to be the bitch and lay down the rules but it's not ok for him to do it and he's the parent. It's ok for her to feel sad and cry and feel poor me pity me but it's not ok for me. It's ok for him to feel over whelmed and wanting to run but it's not ok for me. it's ok for him to want to protect his daughter but it's not ok for me to wat to protect our children from what is going on without looking like a complete bitch.
2 yrs ago (almost) i recognised she had some sort of anxiety and pleaded with dh to get her to a psychiatrist before it blows up. Nothing was done cos there was the whole parents playing against each other so it was all left alone. Starts highschool a few months later and it has all snowballed from there.
So meanwhile i am the hated one by what i feel is everyone except BM. How ironic is that.
And the thing that bites was our 4 year anniversary yesterday. I hinted to dh ages ago that flowers for harry pot ( where our angel baby is buried) would be nice as flowers and fruit were the symbols for 4 yrs, also appliance, and i got NOTHING!!Yet he was texting chatterbox telling her he'd get her a christmas present, dvd and chocolates if she came over. helloo....can anyone else see what is wrong with this ??
so anyone reading this who isn't married....don't marry a man with kids

thanks for reading, come join us at FYBF

Friday, 3 February 2012

big school, the end of the week

After 3 full days at school poor miss s is absolutely buggered. I worried for her this morning as we got there a bit early and she seemed very unsure. Her best friend from preschool is in the same class but had not yet arrived so miss s was freaking out a bit. Tried to encourage her to talk to some other kids and led her over to 2 other girls. but to no avail.
It scares me that they are in this big area now all alone. what if she suddenly gets too shy to make friends, what if she gets picked on, what if she becomes the bully. How will i deal with her not wanting to go to school because she has no friends.
Have to say she looks adorable in her uniform!!