Yesterday marked the 2nd anniversary of the loss of our son who we lost at 16weeks gestation. The dates on the blog appear wrong, the correct date of the anniversary was 3rd July. Such a bittersweet time. Such a sad sad loss, and still have no answers as to why. But if things turned out different we wouldn't have been blessed with our beautiful little girl. Yet I can't just forget it. Some people remembered which was lovely. i want his life to be acknowledged and never forgotten even though no one ever met him. I never said anything to dh about it as I just felt too flat with what had gone on with chatterbox and preferred to remember him on my own and maybe soon dh, the kids and i can do something special like we did last year, which was release balloons for him. He did figure it out by the end of the evening, not alot was said.
Having had such a loss has really made my view parenting a baby very differently. With the other 2 i was quite strict about routines, and sleep and making sure they slept in their beds and not in ours etc. However, now i am very soft and they're always in our bed, i didn't hesitate to rock to sleep with bub. I realised how quickly a life can be taken and just how innocent a baby and little child are and they really need us there for them. I have to admit i love waking up to bub's little face in the morning after cuddling her through the night.