Wednesday, 27 July 2011


We were at my sisters house briefly and miss 4 of course noticed that cousin b made a crown. It was all on from there. She was devastated that she wasn't staying because it meant she could't make a crown. So over to the shops we went to buy all the things needed to make the best crown ever. Miss 4 was jsut beside herself with excitement as she chose sparkles and butterflies to put on her crown. Lo and behold we then found an actual crown making kit. It was really our day for being in the shop. It was all of $3 for a kit to make 2 crowns. Miss 4 couldn't wait to get home. I set her up at the big table (after laying plastic down first as it's a new table) and she stayed there for a good 3 hours busily making her crowns.

We made the 2 from the box, and I bought some cardboard and i think we made about 3 more over the week. She had so much fun and was very creative. Miss 4 was so proud of her crowns she wore them everywhere...into town, to the chiro, to her aunty's house, and even took them to preschool to show them off. I"m so proud of my miss 4

My foot fettish

I have a thing for baby's feet. They are just so cute. Can't help but take photos of them. The first 2 lots were taken in December 2010, and the bottom ones in July 2011. I'll have to do some of miss 4 and little man.
As for adult feet...they completely gross me out.

linked with Learning to play and playing to learn for Flashback Friday

wet shoes

yes, that is a pair of miss 4's shoes that are wet!! very wet infact. Why are they wet you ask? because bub has a thing for throwing anything she can get her hands on into the full bath. More often than not it's shoes. Her slipper even got a wash one day. And since its winter of course it takes forever to dry. I need another gate to put at the bathroom door so she can't come in while one of us is bathing little man or miss 4.

Fl icking the band

Little man has a thing for miss 4's hair bands. He likes to flick them, and flick them far. It's almost like he is obsessed. He sees a band and grabs it straight away. Today he actually had 4 around his wrist ready to flick. He even tries to take them out of miss 4's hair just so he can flick them. I'd love it to be an olympic sport, as i know he'd win for sure.

Look closely in the bottom angle of the clock you will see a purple band

Can you see the pink band?

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Jumping Safely

Back in my day the trampoline was high off the ground, no net, and lucky to have a foam mat around the edges where the springs are. Not overly safe, I should know as I broke my leg at the age of 4 thanks to the trusty old trampoline.
So now they are designed with you beaut nets around then, foam mats etc. Again, we should know, we've had 1, no actually 2. The first one got damaged within weeks of purchasing it due to a massive storm . The wind was incredible, picked up the trampoline and blew it straight over the fence. It was fixable but the net was a bit damaged. miss 4 was not even 1 at the time. Why did we get a trampoline for an under 1 yr old I have no idea lol. It was good to use as a play pen when the zipper worked. A couple years later the net fell more and more apart, the zipper broke and the mat was completely ruined thanks to one large golden retriever.
A friend bought her kids a new one so offered us their old one, with a net and about 30% padding left. We took it. Still worked. Zipper however was broken so i didn't put bub in there unless i was right there with her.I still then panicked when the other 2 were on because they could still fall through the net where it should've been zipped up. Then there was having to get them on and off safely. It was a bit of a pain but the kids loved jumping on there.
so, recently I went to a friends daughters 3rd party. And in her back yard was a trampoline. But low to the ground. Ideal!! I asked how did they get it so short and she said easy, just took the middle bar out of the legs. You beauty! I couldn't wait to get home to tell DH.
On the weekend we did just that, and lowered the trampoline, meaning no more net was needed. Little man and bub thought it was great. So did the dog actually. He joined them for a jump. But something still wasn't right. The next day I sat outside and said to DH we need a new mat, but they are so expensive I'd hate to waste money on one knowing it'll only last a few months before not only the dog, but the weather will wear it out. I looked up and it hit me, the best idea I've had in a long time. SHADE CLOTH. Let's put shade cloth around the perimeter of the trampoline and do away with the mat that is no longer a mat but instead is bits of blue plastic we find all over the yard.
Dh says ooh good idea, I've even got a little bit up the back of the yard, lets see if it works. I rip a little bit away of the blue plastic and we use ties to secure the shade cloth on. Next we know, about 1 hour later we have done the entire trampoline. It even blends in with the nature now.

Now bub can crawl outside and on the trampoline and if she falls it's not very far. She loves to sit on there with miss 4 and little man bouncing her all around. Then the dog hops on too and she giggles away at that. I think it's the best idea I've had in ages.

Friday, 22 July 2011

did she really say that??

Bub is starting to say many first words and it's so exciting to hear.

Here's some...she walked into the loungrroom and saw giggle and hoot and said hoot

I read her a book that had a picture of a train in it. I said toot toot so she copied.

We asked her where is miss 4 (using real name of course) and she looked around. We told her miss 4 is at preschool. She said with all seriousness in her own language dayah at preschool. Dh and i looked at each other in shock and said wow did she just say miss 4 is at preschool.

gave her afternoon tea and said lets see if dad is home. she went to the window and said daddddda wher are you?

says hello on any object that looks like a phone

says hish for chatterbox's name

when we drive along it's tradition to say spotto if you see a yellow car, one day she copied us. it was hilarious.

biscuits and cakes

Going dairy free i feel i should bake more, that way I know what goes in it. I substitute milk for rice milk and use nuttelex as butter. we have done nuttelex for a long time since being on the low preservative and salicylate diet with miss 4. I do wish it was cheaper but oh well.
Little man isn't a fan of baked goods but he'll just have to get used to it. Miss 4 eats anything and bub eats most baked foods. DH...he eats all of it lol. Last night I made a berry cake and some cookies. Today there is 1 slice of cake left and about 6 cookies out of 18. At least the cookies were a hit with little man. I can't believe how quick everything has gone.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Where the ducks live

Driving along the road with bub and miss 4 in the back of the car. Miss 4 is very chatty about her day at preschool. Then pipes up with," mummy that must be the ducky's house there". I nod and say "oh, ok why is that? " She answers very matter of factly "well because the sign has ducks on it outside their house". Ok, i didn't have a clue what she was talking about because the houses were set far back from the road and I thought wow she can really see that far, she must be more observant than what I thought. She said maybe that's why we always see them crossing the road there because that's where their house is. I couldn't agree more, seemed logical.

A few days later I"m driving along the same road and I saw the sign. The duck sign. Ahhh now I get what miss 4 was talking about. I didn't have my camera to take a photo so just found one on google..

So now we all know, when ever we see a ducks crossing sign, we have found a house where some ducks live. Don't forget to pop in and say hello to them :)

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Germs, I'm over them

I"m really getting annoyed with the amount of sickness in the house. When miss 4 was a baby she rarely got sick, hasn't even encountered an ear infection(knock on wood). She had reflux but that was all. and eczema but that's not a germ. Even now she is rarely sick thank God.

Little man had his first ear infection at 13months. Was the most frightening time because the dr was from a NESB so we barely understood each other. Not to mention she was running 45minutes late and little man missed his dose of panadol so was burning hot. She sent me straight to hospital thinking it was a severe virus and we'd need to stay overnight. The dr up there looked in his ear, wrote  script for anti biotics and sent us on our way. He's had the occasional cold and vomiting bug but neither miss 4 or little man were one of those kids that are always sick. He did have another ear infection 2 weeks ago but wasn't that sick. it actually took us a week to realise what it was.
As for bub!!Roller coaster ride with her, dr after dr, after specialist, chiro, you name it!I knew something was up with her but dr's kept fobbing it off. She constantly had a runny nose, struggled to breathe at times. They;d tell me all different things and i kept saying milk allergy (not that that's a germ i know lol). But she was then constantly sick and unsettled. She's already had 2 lots of anti biotics before she was even 1 yr old. Keep having to cancel play dates with friends because she's sick. Miss going to church because she's sick. Warn anyone she has a runny nose....again. Half the time i don't know if it's allergy related or not as she has been diagnosed as a hayfever sufferer. We have a dyson now, and I vacuum alot more than what i used least every second day as opposed to every second week. So hopefully that clears the dust mites. I dont' mop as often as i should. Maybe that's why she's sick. Bub had her 12 month immunisations last week and has been flu like ever since. Her eyes are watery and conjunctivitisy. This morning she had such awful eyes she couldn't see where she was going and ran into a wall. Have had to cancel catching up with a friend and her girls due to bub being sick...again. She has a yucky cough, runny thick snot, hardly sleeping. Thing is i don't think she needs a dr yet, but if she goes down hill today we'll need one tomorrow but the dr who is on tomorrow is not very nice.
Lots of handwashing is needed and a few cans of glen 20 me thinks!!

the search for the perfect slipper

We all love a comfy slipper, something we can wear inside that's not as formal as shoes, and that keeps our feet warm. I wanted exactly this for bub. And found it a few months ago at coles for $10. Bub wore them everyday, inside, outside, sometimes to bed if it was freezing. They stayed on her feet and never just slipped off. But then........we had a blow out. Her big toe gradually crept out more and more from the sole of the slipper til it stayed out permanently. Not long after this it happened to her other big toe. Not ideal at all unless she wore socks underneath.
Target slippers
So begins the search for the next perfect pair of slippers. Went to Target and found ugg boots but just could not get them on her foot and thought there's no way i want to struggle to get these on every day. Ditched them. Then found a cute little pair for only $4.
What a gorgeous little slipper i thought but already had the feeling these will not stay on an active 1 yr old foot. She did wear them and didn't try to pull them off every single minute, but where ever she climbed (yes I've been blessed with another one) it would come off. Slipper fail!!!
So i search kmart and to no avail, search payless shoe shops and again my attempts proved to be futile. Where oh where are some perfect slippers for my baby girl. after our lunch date at the very old fashioned pub on Monday I said lets go to big w and see if there's any slippers there. I knew this was our last port of call so was really praying hard there'd be some there. it was really annoying me by now. Then we found it....the perfect slipper of all time!!
Osh Kosh slippers reduced from $20 down to $15. And they fit!! And they don't come off constantly. She looks adorable in them, so funky.
So there is The Perfect Slipper

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Lunch with Hubby

Dh had the day off yesterday. We rarely get to spend time together,alone. So I suggested we dump 2 kids on my sister, the other one was at preschool. I take the kids to my sister while Dh did some jobs he needed to do and he would meet me there and pick me up, kind of like a real date.
He picks me up as discussed and rattles a name of a pub off to go there. I turn my nose up as I had been there once before and well none of it was nice to be honest. I suggest a stylish takeaway only down the road, i was really looking forward to a deliciously made sandwich. He turns his nose up. I suggest another place and he agrees, so we head over to there. Drive in and barely a car in sight. We figure it must be closed so drive away. Dh thinks of another place further up the road, another pub, and although i wanted to turn my nose up i didn't. Pull up, see some people there, so we get out and head to the be welcomed with a sign tha says BISTRO CLOSED. Have a chuckle and head back to the car. Bugger, now where. Drive along and see another pub, neither of us had been there, sign out the front says counter lunches so at least we know it's open.
walk inside and it's something I've not seen before. I felt I'd stepped back in time. There's a little girl about 4 years old riding around the tables on a metal tricycle, dodging chairs. The dining chairs are all different types...some wooden, some plastic, some metal, some padded, a few bar stools too. Add to that mismatched tables. A couple joined together to make a long table however they are different heights and totally different tables. We ponder over the menu and order, I decide on a chicken burger, Dh has an Oasis burger. After getting drinks we sit down to wait for our meal. We are the only people eating there. Our meals arrive. The chips were delicious!! The burger...hmmm. When I wanted a sandwich nothing else tasted good enough. The actual burger itself was cold, but the chicken (crumbed chicken) was hot. I do prefer iceberg lettuce on burgers but instead it was fancy lettuce. I eye off dh's burger and start to feel jealous as he always ends up ordering the better meal. We swap and both agree that for a change i ordered the better meal. I felt weird there, really didn't belong. It felt dirty and old. The most up to date thing was the chairs i noticed in the pokie area.
So, the time with dh was enjoyable and much needed, just hope we choose a better place next time.

Monday, 18 July 2011

why is my little man so angry

Little man was the envy of all parents. He jsut cruised along and nothing would phase him ever. To go down town he'd just sit in the pram and you wouldn't hear a word out of him. He'd always play nicely, never yell or scream. He was extremely mischieveous and busy, getting into everything as he was so inquisitive, but he was never angry, and irritated. Over the last year, pretty much since he was 2.5years old, he's become more angry and just irritable really. Getting dressed is a fight because the pants we chose are wrong, or it's the wrong top...whatever the case it's a fight about something. If he wants something he yells for it angrily, never asks nicely until we prompt him at least 3 times. when he trips over something he yells at the person nearby and hits them and says they are naughty. Tantrums i guess are normal but i don't like when he lays down kicking doors and walls. He throws things out of anger, meaning he'll throw them harder so it will hurt more to who he is throwing them at.

at my wits end and chatted to a friend about maybe he is tired so was thinking to increase his iron as he doens't have alot during the day. She suggested eliminate dairy, seeing as his nose is quite stuffy anyway and also that he was lactose intolerant as a baby. Now I've done the dairy elimination with miss 4 for her eczema so i know what's involved. Good luck to us!!

Thursday, 14 July 2011

hubby brag

i can't not post this as i think I often forget how lucky I am.
My dh .......
* takes the rubbish out every week, he never makes me do it.
* was going to make himself a coffee, I said I think you should make a hot chocolate for us. Then i quickly said, no only joking you don't have to (cos i felt bad) ....but he did
* takes it in turns toc lean the kitchen after dinner and never complains or sits on the lounge
* always offers my friends a cup of coffee when they're here
* changes poo bums
* often gets out of bed before me (but I've usually been up 3 times in the night in my defense)
* lets me have a spaz attack but doesn't hate me eternally after it (I'm known to hold grudges)
* renovates our house to make it look 200% better
* watches desperate housewives and home and away with me
* lets the kids help him do jobs
* doesn't go out every weekend to get on the piss, actually he rarely goes out
* understands most of my jokes lol

so i just felt I had to do that to remind myself that no matter how annoyed I may get at times with him, or him with me, he's the best hubby!!xoxo

PS he hasn't even read this blog yet, so this is not for his benefit or sucking up or anything

Bub turned 1

Ragdolls 33cm- MandieWake up at 11:50am Thursday night as bub wanted her bottle. This went til about 12:10am Friday morning. So i think myself lucky i was able to hold her while she went form 0 - 1 year old. silly i know. Wake up the next morning and i m busting to give her her present of a doll.
It was hilarious to watch her. She took the present and made a run for it....with the paper still on. We tried to help her open it but she kept running, finally we got the paper off and she was able to give her dolly a cuddle. We decided to give her the other presents later after dh got home from work. 
The day was spent with her aunty, cousins, grandma and poppy...and me and siblings of course.  
We shared pizza that night, and bub had her very first piece of pizza which she really seemed to enjoy.
During the day i spent 3 hours icing her cake. I was going to have one made but the price of between $80-$120 really put me off. We didn't even pay that much for our wedding cake. So i attempted it myself, and must say I'm actually really pleased with the result. I did a couple practice runs with the icing beforehand.

Come Saturday and it's party day. I went a bit overboard to celebrate but i don't really care. She 's our last one and i still think if things were different we'd never know her. There were many people in her life already that i felt should be here to help us celebrate. So i decided to hire out out church's hall so we didn't have all those people at our the end it was 52 total. So glad it wasn't at our house lol !! chatterbox and a friend from Sydney helped me set up the hall that day before the party. Bub of course had no idea what was going on but i think and hope she had fun. i know i did. Everyone liked the cake..phew!! I was worried we wouldn't have enough cake so MIL(mother in law) bought a couple from the cheese cake shop. When dh and I arrived at the hall we realised we forgot those cakes so he went to get them. As it turned out i cut the other cake up in small pieces and in the end we didn't need any extra cake. oh well, more for us for later. Once the cake was done people gradually left and we cleaned up then also left. After all the kids were put to bed we unwrapped all her presents. She was very very spoilt i must say. All in all it was a greeeeaaaat day!

when a handbag is no longer your handbag

no matter how much we try to keep our handbag separate from a nappy bag it never is the case. If you need to find your child's dummy, look in your handbag. Don't look in there for money or anything because your child has more than likely taken it anyway. I used to fill my handbag with a lipstick, purse, monthly necessities, perfume stick. Forget all that now. The lipstick would get eaten, the purse remains but has to be watched, monthly necessities go in my pocket so there's no "what's this mum??", don't dare put perfume in there because it would go everywhere. Now i grab my handbag and make sure there's a small snack for the kids, a nappy or 2, baby wipes, a balloon or few to keep kids occupied if we're stuck anywhere. Don't know when I'll ever have a handbag as just a handbag again but it's all worth it

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

My boy and his toys

Most boys who turn 3 and want tools usually get the tools of the plastic variety so they can "help" dad without really helping. My little man lost interest in plastic tools waaaay before he turned 3. He got a plastic tool work bench when he was 1.5 for Christmas but none of the tools actually worked and he was not impressed at all. For his 2nd birthday we got him a real life looking drill with batteries, but all plastic of course. Now he loved that it looked real, and it made noise, and the tip spun around like dad's drill, still didn't work. He knew how to work dad's so pretty much ditched his plastic one's for dad's real one. You'd always find him with a real screw driver, never a plastic one. He had the ability to screw and unscrew real screws.
A friend watched him with a real screwdriver one day. She has a heck of alot of experience with children as she does early intervention in preschools and day care centres. She watched on in amazement at not only his determination, but his skill and precision in using the screwdriver with the screw. I decided at that moment he would get a real tool box for his birthday with real screws etc.

Here is the real drill that a friend bought for him. She was very hesitant to get this as she was worried he would make the house fall apart. Admittedly he probably has done a few things he shouldn't like he tried to take the screws out of the flyscreen, and has unscrewed the screws in the architraves. He's also put a screw in his wall and when i went in his room he quickly covered it up because he knew he did wrong. He does love his drill to bits and even charges it up himself.
With the drill we got him a set of screws, and nails to go with his hammer. Yes, a real hammer. It's good therapy for him when he's having a moment as he'll go into his room and bang away on his board, or pull apart a foam box. often i pack up his nails in his room,but he will go back in and tip them all out again so he can do more "work"By night time I just clear a path in his room to get from the bed to the door.

 Sometimes if we need a screwdriver we'll just ask little man if we can use his and he'll run into his room to get one for us. I think I should've actually gotten him a tool belt like his dad's and he would walk around all day with his tools. occasionally he puts nails or screws in his pockets which i never realise until I've washed his clothes and they either fall out into the washing machine, or I head them clunk around in the clothes dryer. There have been times he's taken his tools to bed as well.

If you look closely at the picture on the right you will see the nails in his bed. He also went to bed wearing his hard hat as you do.

Think he's going to be in the building trade

Tuesday, 12 July 2011


I'm sitting here watching miss 4 play with her 3 year old cousin mr b. It is adorable. There's 9months difference between them but they are like twins, inseparable. The have a connection with each other and really understand each other. I really saw that the day i watched them both lick the television ....they were licking the icecream on one of the cartoons.
They attend the same preschool but on different days. Both seem quiet when not together at preschool, but there was one day they were together. It was the Mummy and me night for mothers day. SO my sister and i went together with miss 4 and mr b. They were over excited to see each other and jumped excitedly into the preschool gate together and all the way up the path to the door laughing uncontrollably. A teacher walked past and commented how enthusiastic they are....which in normal person terms is wow, aren't your kids hypo tonight. i really think she was shocked as she had never seen either of these 2 kids behave like this.
At the minute they are eating koala biscuits and making them talk to each other. so cute.

I need soap

That was what I heard from little man yesterday. It was the last straw for me. He didn't really need soap, he only wanted it because he saw me using it and he is obsessed with washing his hands. So I tell him no, mummy only needed it because I cut up the raw chicken and it's yucky. So what did he do....he touched the chicken then told me he touchd it so now he has to wash his hands. He drags his little chair over to the sink and tries to reach the tap but can't so he's leaning further and further knocking things over as he goes. Puts soap on his hands then and holds them under the tap, but then turns the tap up harder. OOh hang on now he's spotted the medicine syringe for his anti biotics, over to the fridge he heads and silly me forgot to lock it. He insists on getting it himself but I won't allow it. I fill the syringe with the correct amount of 2.5ml and he takes it (thankfully, as the first couple days he would refuse it then spit it out). Oh no, now the syringe is dirty so back up on the chair we go to wash the syringe. The water is going hard and going everywhere so i turn it down, but he yells at me for doing so because he is trying to clean the syringe. I offer to help but no, he screams at me again. Then he gets the soap again and pumps it out to wash the syringe. I tell him that's the soap for our hands, jsut use water. Little man gets frustrated as the syringe is difficult to clean properly and he starts screaming out in frustration. I'm frustrated because he was so repetitive in his " i need soap" "i  need soap" over and over again. No matter how many times I told him no he persisted and persisted. As we are both spirited beings we both get easily frustrated so the whole thing just boiled over until i removed him from his chair, removed the chair and threw the syringe back in the sink. Not long after, he got his raffie ( soft giraffe toy), dummy and my ipod and had a 2 hour sleep on the lounge. I breathed a sigh of relief

Monday, 11 July 2011

setting up gadgets

If anyone can help i'd love it. I want to put a list of other blogs i've read, just from random people mainly not my friends ones. I've gone onto the page design and clicked the add a gadget and selected which one i want to add but to no avail . It never appears in the side column.
can anyone help?


Registered the mobile to send blogs. Don't think i did it right. Let's see

Friday, 8 July 2011

More on Stepping out

If you've read the other posts you'll have an idea on what has been going on.
Well this week I've struggled. We've had chatterbox since Tuesday afternoon. DH has been great and took 2 days off work to be with her instead of making me take responsibility. And for the next 2 days he's been able to drop her off at his parents caravan as they are up visiting for bub's 1st birthday. It seems like such a hassle to do all this but I've had to prove my point of i just don't want to step in where it's only going to back fire on me.
I don't like not communicating with her, and having stepped back I've realised how much I did communicate with her and how much of a say I was having before all this happened....good and bad. yes she can piss me off at times but don't all kids?and well really, i was only ever treating her as my own and talked to her as I would my own kids.

Having just written that paragraph, i went to feed the dog and do a few more things. And soo much has changed just since then. Chatterbox came of her own accord to apologise to me for what she had said . I was shocked but very excited at the same time.I said, so we're good? we can go back to how we were ? she nodded then came over to hug me. We both were about to cry so quickly we both started talking to break the awkwardness. I told her I did miss talking with her and that I'd never ever not have her welcome at this house, even though we do get annoyed with each other sometimes, but I reminded her I also get annoyed with my own kids too,so I'm not just singling her out.

It's such a relief, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm going to try and be better at this step parenting thing if I can, and try to look at things still from the outside and let DH lead more (with my guidance lol) but not be so hard on her case. She is a good kid and that's plain obvious by the fact she apologised. Yes i know Grandma has been in her ear, but it takes a biiig person to say sorry and she did it!!
Chatterbox has such a great relationship with the kids and I'd hate for anything to get in the way of that. They love her to bits and I do think she feels the same way.
It really pained me this whole week to watch everything that went on since Friday night last week because I knew the real chatterbox was out there and she was just influenced by others. Just gotta pray she stays on track.

The toilet

The toilet for most people is just that stinky place to pass what ever it is you need to get rid of then get out. For others, it's a place of peace. i really felt that tonight I have to say. There were soo many people in the house and  i just needed a few minutes peace. I kept putting off going to the loo as I was so busy then I finally took the opportunity and as soon as i shut the door I wondered why didn't I do this earlier. It was quiet, closed off from everybody else. I almost forgot all those people were out there.
There should seriously be a small room in each house that is not a bedroom or anything, and definately not as stinky as a toilet where people can go for 5 minutes time out. A mum often doesn't get that time to even go to the loo in peace during the day as 1 or 2 or 3 children all have to follow, then investigate what you are doing, while playing with the toilet paper, opening and closing the door , or attempting to eat the toilet brush. Lucky for us the door handle is high so the kids can't reach it if we do shut it if we want to be alone. I often find if i get that time alone it's a good time to catch up on the newspaper or a magazine. Zone out and create your new bedroom or bathroom while reading through a better homes magazine, or simply read the local news in the newspaper.
The times this doesn't go to plan is after dh has been to the loo. not good. Even if you are busting you are best to hold on for about an hour after Dh has used the toilet. So if you are looking for peace....go before DH goes lol.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

My christmas wishlist

i'm thinking if i put it here i can come back to it later lol


tap a shape fairy

tap a shape pirate

pets cube puzzle

bus stop board game

dotty dinosaur game

busy little bees

sweet heart beads

science kit  possibly for my nephew

 magnetic stacking butterfly


that's all for tonight

So much to do before my baby girl turns 1

You know when you feel like you have heaps do to and it all seems mushy in your head, well that's how i feel right now. Bub's turns 1 on Friday and I'm totally not prepared. I was pregnant with the next baby when Miss4 turned 1, and when Little man turned 1, so i wasn't in so much denial. Bub is our last one and it's just gone so quick. I've tried to hold on to so much of her babyness so kind of ignored her turning 1. I knew I was going to buy her a doll for her 1st birthday but didn't go and do it thinking it will be easy. But no, I had a look at the shop on Saturday and they are yucky dolls. So a friend introduced me to online shopping.
She found this for me. sooo adorable but a tad out of our price range and I wasn't sure it would arrive before bub birthday. Then I thought, well ebay mail pretty quickly, so had a look on there and found...
GORGEOUS RAG DOLL. I also wanted to get some puzzles for her, in hind sight I should've bought more than 1, but was tired and didn't really know what i wanted. I found a gorgeous puzzle on ebay for her.PUZZLE. So i bought them, paid for them then saw that delivery was between 8th adn 15th July. Oh crap, that's after her birthday. I couldn't have her birthday day with no presents for her at all. Now i'll have to buy her something at the shops still anyway. Still praying for a miracle the other ones arrive before her birthday.

So I also have to sort her cakes out. There were many cakes i did want for her...(as above) and was going to pay to have one made...until i got the quotes and nearly fell off my chair. So I went on the adventure to make one myself.
My first effort was crap. used the wrong icing. Second effort not too bad but the almond icing was a bit too flavoursome. Third effort was very good so hopefully i can pull it off. I do however need to bake 3 cakes, colour the icing, and go to spotlight to buy cake decoration wire stuff. I've finished her first year scrap book but need plastic sleeves to put the pages in to so people at her party can look through it.
So then I also need to think about (and buy) food for the party, plates, balloons etc. What on earth was I thinking when i invited sooooo many people lol!!
Grandma and Poppy (dh's parents) arrive today so hopefully they will take the kids tomorrow and I'll get stuff done. After putting it in writing though there doesn't seem to be that much to get done.

Monday, 4 July 2011

Bittersweet Anniversary's

Yesterday marked the 2nd anniversary of the loss of our son who we lost at 16weeks gestation. The dates on the blog appear wrong, the correct date of the anniversary was 3rd July. Such a bittersweet time. Such a sad sad loss, and still have no answers as to why. But if things turned out different we wouldn't have been blessed with our beautiful little girl. Yet I can't just forget it. Some people remembered which was lovely. i want his life to be acknowledged and never forgotten even though no one ever met him. I never said anything to dh about it as I just felt too flat with what had gone on with chatterbox and preferred to remember him on my own and maybe soon dh, the kids and i can do something special like we did last year, which was release balloons for him. He did figure it out by the end of the evening, not alot was said.
Having had such a loss has really made my view parenting a baby very differently. With the other 2 i was quite strict about routines, and sleep and making sure they slept in their beds and not in ours etc. However, now i am very soft and they're always in our bed, i didn't hesitate to rock to sleep with bub. I realised how quickly a life can be taken and just how innocent a baby and little child are and they really need us there for them. I have to admit i love waking up to bub's little face in the morning after cuddling her through the night.

Stepping out con't

Stepping out part here for the beginning

So dh thinks i was too harsh on her. Harsh??! I didn't even yell at her. Dh decided not to talk for a while. Instead he went to comfort her, which to me tells her without words that he believes and supports her, so she already knows a way to get between us both.
Dh went to pick up the pizza we ordered and still silence. i can't stand silence when things need to be spoken about. His reaction was I'm over the whole thing, i have no energy for it all. I said well bad luck, she's your daughter you can't just give up. He told me i was harsh and didn't have to talk with her like that. I brought up the fact that if it were our own children  it wouldn't be the same and rather than be against me he'd support me. He agreed! That says alot to me. It  tells me I'm good enough to have chatterbox in my care and look after her needs when he wants me to, but the minute it comes to discipline or standing up for myself that's not allowed. Too much contradiction there. He needs to realise i'm also looking out for our own children who i don't want them to witness what goes on and think that it's ok to behave the way she does and get away with it.
That's exactly what is happening and for too long now the poor child from a broken family card has been played with chatterbox. The grandparents even do it....oh poor chatterbox, her mother does nothing for her etc. So they buy her stuff, send her money etc. Meanwhile her mother earns ALOT of money, actually two and a half times what we are on. She gets EVERYTHING she wants from her in the material world and also brags about it. Often she'd come here and compare, and price everything. She's tell us her mum spent more on her for presents than we did etc. I just say fine, we'll take your presents back then. What the child needs, in my eyes, is hard discipline but in a loving way, she needs to know how important she is, how special she is, to have time spent with her. i keep trying to tell DH this and he does try but i'm sick of always having to instigate things. selfish as it sounds i want to look after my own kids and not spend all my energy on her. There's been times when I have made her cry by being harsh with words, but I assure you I comfort her afterwards and explain my reasons, explain the dangerous consequences of some of her actions. i hold her, stroke her face, tell her how beautiful she is, not just physically but also as a person. The time she has for her little brothers and sisters is amazing, that's when i see the real chatterbox and that's why i've tried so hard with her because i don't want us to lose that person. 
So the night continues pretty much the same. Silent. I asked Dh if he was allowing her out the next day, because if it were our children, they'd be grounded. he shrugged his shoulders and said well what else can i do? umm...lock the doors and tell her she's not allowed out for the weekend. I see where he's coming from in that he doesn't want to lose her and is worried that by being too strict and not allowing her out will make her not want to come but at the same time this is when she needs to learn that her actions were wrong and therefore will be punished. But Like i'd told him, for now she is his problem and I don't want a part of it. I tried, I treated her like my own, but got shot down for it.
She did go out the next day, and hung out in town with MK and whoever else. No one knows what they got up to. It annoys me that dh gave her money and in a way it's kind of rewarding her bad behaviour. Turns out she bumped into her BM whilst in town so just as Dh was to pick her up she rang him to say she was going home with her mother. BM text dh and said she was taking chatterbox to the hospital as she had her ears pierced yesterday by someone and she was feeling sick. That all turned out fine luckily.
I'm still sticking to my guns though and won't have chatterbox in my care alone so I've made DH decided to either take time off work or work something else out for her. They both lost that right when she started making up things about what i say, and when he wouldn't stand up for me when i did nothing wrong. He can't understand still why I'm upset about what she said. but it;s not just that, it's the whole lying about things and not being pulled up on it, it's going behind my back and saying things to hurt me despite what I've done for her. I bet she never went around telling her friends I stood up for her when the school took her phone off her for a week for using it in class, but i rang the school and demanded they give it back to her out of school hours so she can still contact BM.
so for now, I'm sitting back and allowing the real parents to do their own job and I'll just watch on the side lines.

Stepping out

I wasn't going to write this and still unsure about it all because alot of what i write is with hurt and anger.
Chatterbox (dh's 12 yr old daughter) has caused a few problems lately and last night was the last straw for me. I've named this page stepping out because i'm trying to distance myself from my step daughter.
A few weeks ago we went to a 1 yr old's birthday party in a different town. We didn't know many people so i was happy enough to follow our kids around, especially bub. The whole time we were there Chatterbox kept coming over to me and telling me how anti social i am and what a nigel, and reject etc i am. i said, look it's a kids party, i'm not here to be social but to celebrate the little boy's party, but as a mother it's my duty to also look after our kids. She didn't let up, even sat in a chair near where i was talking to birthday boy's dad and she would sing anti social (my name), then go ooh that's got a ring to it. I ignored it. Then when the birthday cake was getting done she had no hesitation in saying out loud, "this cake is much better than yours yesterday". Mind you sh;es had more than 5 pieces of the cake i made. I was fed up by this stage and told her she's better keep her mouth shut or there'd be big big trouble.
Fast forward to last night....
She was meant to come to our house after school. her school is 1 block away. She never arrived. Instead, dh gets a text from BM (bio mum) to say chatterbox text her to ask if she can go to MK's ( a friend that bm and us have banned her from seeing). BM says no and can we go and pick her up. Well, the big question that no one could answer was pick her up from where??We start ringing around but to no avail. So dh drives around her area looking. The scary thing too is lately in that area there have been 6 attempted abductions of girls around her age. After 1 hour of driving around he comes home. Within that hour, on my side of things, i'm trying to bath the kids, one of whom was sick, feed them a slap happy find anything in the fridge dinner, and look on chatterbox's facebook and ring around her friends. No one had much information. One of her FB friends thought it was her on line and was even asking where are you everyone is worried about you then i informed her it was me. One of her friends mum's rang and gave me a little bit of info....apparently chatterbox told her daughter she doesn't want to come over because one day she was playing with the kids and i barged in and told her to get away from the kids and she is not welcome in this house with us anymore. We later found out that this is apparently what i told her whilst at that party. I was fuming when i got off the phone after hearing the lies she said about me. When i told dh i was so upset i cried. He just stood there. Don't know if he just was shocked for words or what, but i'm still upset at the fact he couldn't comfort me for what was said. I understand she's his daughter but i am his wife who has been through so much with that girl, who is often the only one who notices things about her and helps her, who looks out for her and what she gets up to on facebook rather than be ignorant about it. I cook special meals for her when i know they are her favourites, i hire movies for her and i to watch together. I compliment her on her efforts at school and tell her how proud we are of her.I'm not perfect, and i do raise my voice at her when it's called for, i do tell her when i don't approve of something she's done, but i was treating her just as i would my own children. never again. 
anyway, Dh finally gets a hold of her and finds she's just gotten a lift to MK;s house. we sort the kids out and next thing BM has turned up to discuss things. I'm glad she's trying to reach out and communicate and work with us so i hope dh keeps it up.
Once the kids are in bed dh goes to pick chatterbox up. I sit waiting anxiously to see what mood she is in. I have the biggest headache ever to the point my vision was funny and i couldn't see words or objects properly. he arrives home with her and she stomps through the house into her bedroom. I question Dh and he says she didn't want to come here and begged to stay at her friends but he made her come. She told him about me saying i didn't want her here and he was upset at me for that. I was shocked 1. because she is manipulative enough for people to believe this stuff and 2. that he believed her and would think that after everything i do with and for her that i would have the heart to say that. So i tell him the FULL story and what i actually really said and how she's twisted my words to make me out to be the bad one and people to feel sorry for her. He sat there and asked why didn't i tell him any of this. I said why would i? it just looks like i'm trying to be a bitch, i dealt with it and thought all was over. Obviously that was a huuuge mistake. He went and got her out of her room to make her apologise for how she treated me at that party. I appreciate his thought but it meant nothing on her half. She shuffled in to the loungeroom, head down, mumbled sorry then wandered off. Not good enough in my eyes so i requested her to come back. I told her i was feeling very angry, hurt, and just generally in shock for what she put us all through tonight, not knowing where she was, then for the way she spoke to me, and really hurt that she makes up stories about me and what i say. i suggested she doesn't talk to me for the weekend. she shuffled back into her room and cried!

Friday, 1 July 2011

One of those days

Each morning starts with a good morning text between my sister and I. This morning i noticed there was another text in my inbox though. It was from netbank, to give me a security code for allowing the transfer of money to an account. Alarm bells start to ring as at the top of the text is the word "SUSPICIOUS". I'm freaking out thinking someone is trying to get my money but i had no idea how as Dh had my bank card. Meanwhile Dh rang to get my pin so he could withdraw money to buy his laptop. He couldn't withdraw a big lump sum from his card so put some money into my account to then withdraw off my card also. As I tell him my pin he punches it in on the ATM next thing he tells me the machine took the card!!I wasn't happy and started freaking. Dh says oh man now that's really buggered me up for my computer. wtf??!! buggered him up, what about me, someone might be accessing my account without me knowing. arrrgghh. I get onto the bank straight away to try and sort this out. The lady couldn't explain why the machine ate my card so she put a stop to the card. But instead she stopped the bills card(our joint account), so now i couldn't even use that card. She was able to link all accounts onto my credit card which was great, except we can't use it until 24hours. talked to another lady about the netbank incident and it appears someone wrote their own number in wrongly which turned out to be the same as my number so therefore i received their security code. So in other words...totally nothing to worry about but now i have no access to my cards today!
The morning got better except that for the 3rd time my passionfruit slice didn't work. I don't know what I am doing wrong, but it's really annoying.
It was pink slip day for the car today so I pack the kids into the car and head down town to where i thought the mechanic was(well that's where he was last year). Couldn't find it! So I park the car near where it used to be and go and ask somebody where is it. The man told me the boat shop in a street. I ring my sister and tell her to meet me there. I drive past it and was absolutely clueless as to where the mechanic was supposed to be. Ring my sister again and get her to meet me back at home where I could find the number of the mechanic and find where he is. So he is at the boat shop, but not the boat shop where the other man said. No wonder i couldn't find him. My sister was waiting on the street in her car then followed us there.
From there we went to the shopping center and got some food to feed the 4 kiddies. They thought it was so much fun and were so well behaved.
I had to physically go into a bank to withdraw the money to give to dh for his computer. I had to laugh to myself as I thought you still had to fill out withdrawal slips and hand it in over the counter. Lucky for me i didn't say anything otherwise they would've thought i was from the dark ages lol. It was all easily done. Dh met me at my sisters house at lunch to pick me up and get the money and he took me to pick up my car. On my way home he rang to tell me the computer he wanted was sold!! lol. how ironic, all that running around for the money and he didn't even need it in the end.

The one thing i'll remember about today is miss 4's thoughtfulness. As i was on the phone to the bank earlier on she was on the toilet. She finished her business but carried the little bin out with her. I quietly told her to put it back as it has germs. But she insisted she wanted to empty it out so i allowed her. Next thing she was putting a new garbage bag n the little toilet bin and put the bin back in it's rightful spot. How she knew to do all that threw me and it was just so sweet. I gave her a big kiss and cuddle to thank her for her thoughtfulness.