Sunday, 15 July 2012

one of those weight loss posts

6years ago I was a fit skinny person. I weighed about 45 kgs. I secretly knew i had a good body and wore clothes to show it off. I exercised frequently and watched what I ate.

Rewind 4years prior to that and I was a skinny skinny person. I weighed 38kgs!! I thought I was fat. Some days nothing more than a cup of tea would pass my lips. I thrived on feeling hungry. I felt too scared to eat, not because it would make me fat but it could result in me losing control. I walked for about 2 hours a day sometimes more. If I went to anyone's house I took my own milk because I didn't trust their milk. My milk was "safe". I took a few laxatives a day because I thought they would help me lose weight. I was not a happy person. My life revolved around food and how to avoid it. By moving in with a loving christian family at the age of 25 I slowly recovered from this. It took them asking me to join them for only one meal a week (they were aware of my disorder as their daughter also had one) and i was building up trust and a secure relationship with them. Not once did they focus on food. The mum occasionally asked how was I going and we'd openly discuss it. She was the most supportive and non pushy person. Not once did she say I HAD to eat. Christmas of 2002 I collapsed at  Christmas pageant I was in. Was taken to Nepean hospital and from then I was serious about getting "proper" help. Every Friday I drove myself from the Blue Mountains to Woolhara to see a psychiatrist.
A few months after this I felt confident to move on and moved back to my home town to be closer to my sister. I was still skinny but I wasn't in the same mind frame. Yes food still scared me , fat still scared me but I wasn't irrational about food. I was actually a nicer person too.

Then I lost control. If you read this post it will show you what my last six years was like. 4 pregnancies and 3 earth babies later I now weigh 20kgs more than what I did 6 years ago. I was enjoying food ( too much) and didn't care what I was eating ( to a point). I kept saying i can lose weight any day but that day never came....until I looked in the mirror last week and thought OMG my arms look like legs they are that fat. How have i let myself come to this. If I could lose 10kg I would be happy with that. I hate diets, never stick to them. I rarely exercise now unless you count walking to the bus stop every morning with a 2 yr old in the ERGO on my back exercise lol.
So I was speaking to a friend who has a very clever app on her phone of how to track what she eats and how many calories each item of food has. I have started to follow this as of yesterday. She is worried I will revert to anorexia but I know I won't . I was not a confident person back then . All I wanted back then was to feel accepted and that family achieved that for me. Food doesn't rule me , I rule it.
Be watching to see how the weightloss continues.

For anyone interested in reading about my battle click HERE . I wrote my own account of it and copy and pasted it all to a blog. To read it you HAVE to click on July in the blog archive and then click on consumed....the reason behind the name, or otherwise it will not be in chronological order. Please comment if you do read. Thanks.

adding this post to best in blog with Greatfun4kids and IBOT with diary of a SAHM


  1. wow.. thank you for sharing your open honest post! I too weighed 49 kilos pre-babies.. gained over 20 kilos through 1st pregnancy, lost 10 and then gained another 20 through 2nd pregnancy. I have now lost just over 20 kilos and really happy.. yes I don't feel the same sexy as I was pre-babies.. but I have grown and accepted..

    #teamIBOT was here to say hello!

  2. It sounds like you have been on quite a journey, and one that many people can relate to. The whole issue surrounding food, weight and control is so fraught. I'm glad you're finding some peace and balance and that you are willing to share your story to help others with their own journey. Thank you.

  3. It is so wonderful you are sharing your story. People really need to hear and know you can recover. Stay happy :) Rachel x

  4. I battled with eating disorder as well. At my lowest I was 48kg but I'm 170 cms tall. I was like you; ruled by food and not confident.
    I still have days and moments when I let it consume me and I've written about them on my blog, but for the most part, I'm doing ok. I haven't actually weighed myself for a while, but I excercise a lot and I feel strong and healthy so that is what I am basing things on now.
    Hope your app works good for you. Is it my fitness pal? I have that and found it great for long baby weight.

  5. Thanks for sharing something so personal. Good luck with your weightloss, its never an easy battle and you have the added history to make it harder. You can do it!

  6. Wow, what a powerful post, and an amazing journey.
    I am guessing that you might be, shall we say, a bit on the *vertically challenged* side (as those numbers sound so teensy to me! My 9 year old is practically 38 kilos)

    Thanks so much for sharing this journey - its great that you have won the obsession battle and now can healthily take a weightloss journey without it becoming a battle.

  7. I really like reading a post that will make people think.

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