Sunday, 22 July 2012

open your eye's, it's not just about you!!

this blog will probably make no sense at all because my head is all over the place. i don't even know what to title it because there are many things to title this blog with. I might even write each possible title and the reason behind it and then it might make more sense. Briefly first.... (if you have time)
read stepping out, stepping out 2, a bit more,  and being in a step family sux, to get a basic overview on things.
And what I haven't blogged yet is that chatterbox ran away again a teh end of June 2012. She went on the Saturday night from her mother's house. Was found wandering the main street at 11:30pm Tuesday night by the police. She was brought to our house because her mother was away for work. It didn't go down too well. She screamed and screamed and cried. Woke up Little Man who was terrified and blocking his ears. We sent her to the youth refuge for the next couple nights so we could all calm down. Dh got her out of there on the friday. By Saturday he already allowed her down town with her friends (one who she ran away with ) (which he didn't even know she was meeting up with because he is sooo ignorant). I confront him about why he did this and was it just to get her out of his hair ...and yes , sadly he admitted that was the reason he allowed her. Lucky for him she came home. Bio mum and dh, and chatterbox meet with the psych's they see to discuss consequences for her running away. The result was a month of not being allowed down town with her friends. (which of course did not get seen through)
so this blog as a result of this weekend just gone, with the possible titles of this blog -

1. Never get involved with a married man ....unless his kids are full grown adults. can never be a real family. There's always going to be tension, Which is what happens every time chatterbox comes to stay. There's either tension because chatterbox has done the wrong things (ie run away again), or because i hate the way dh DOESN"T parent this girl, or I've said something to piss dh off about chatterbox, but meanwhile if i said exactly the same thing about bub, little man, or miss s he would back me up.

2. consequences should be realistic and followed through....the month is not even up. But already on friday afternoon chatterbox was down town with her friends. And surprise surprise she wasn't in the place she should have been at the time for pick up. Half hour later he got hold of her . She bargained with him to stay longer. He gave up and hung up. Wasn't even going to bother getting her. I pushed him and said if he loves and cares for her he'll do what a parent should do and get her despite what she wants. for fuck sake she shouldn't have even been there. He did! then saturday she was there again...til 5:30pm. Shops in our town close at 2pm. The only kids hanging out where she does are well known as the ferals. The whole town are sick of them. Crime has increased 200%. I didn't understand again why he let her when the consequence time wasn't even up.But oh, wait, she's been a good girl all week so they lifted the consequence. Can't they see that this is what they've done her WHOLE life so of course she knows she's got it over them. but again...he did what was easy for him, instead of being seen as the baddy and having to listen to her whinge all day he let her do what she wants

3. open your bloody eyes!!...Is what i feel like saying to dh all the time. He lives with his head in the sand completely oblivious to what chatterbox is going through. He lets her out whenever she wants. She is 13 for goodness sake. he doesn't know who she hangs around. I do...because i follow what she does via fb(she doesn't know). I tell him alot of the boys she hangs around are 17-20yrs old. i ask him today who was she with. He says...oh her friends in town. I say great friends , they are giving her cigarettes. He says, well can't stop it can i? ..Umm, yes you can!!Open your eyes and see that she already has a police record, so it won't belong until she pulled in for questioning over one of the many break ins that are occurring every single night in this town.

4. it's not just about you you know....dh has spent so much of this time feeling guilty for leaving chatterbox. I "get"that. Now get the fuck over yourself and start parenting your child, loving her like a parent should which includes discipline, setting boundaries. Not just giving her what she wants when she wants to make yourself feel better. Love the child. Keep her home safe from the "gronks", give her consistency,God knows she doesn't get it from anywhere else. He admits he struggles with having her over because she treats him like shit. Well get over it. who is the adult here??

5. why bother?....people tell me that dh and my bond needs to be the strongest at this time. I find that really hard though. We both clearly have different parenting ideas. I worry it'll be like this when ours grow up. I can Not have my kids turn out like that. Then if they do I highly doubt i will get the support from him. it scares me.

So basically i feel i am hitting my head against a brick wall because no one but me wants to parent chatterbox. Both bio parents are too interested in doing what is easy for them. We hit this brick wall every single time she comes. I have taken on a new role of mary poppins....i don't discipline her anymore, i am nice and sweet to her, i even put flowers in her room to show i care. but it pains me to watch dh drift away from her.

linking up to best in blog with great fun 4 kids and i blog on tuesdays with diary of a stay at home mum


  1. Oh my heart hurts for you all when I read this, but especially you and CB :( I think you are doing the BEST thing you can, with the being nice and the leaving flowers, she may not seem like it means much but I bet it does AND it will mean that when something big does happen (like a teenage pregnancy which if shes hanging out with guys that old is a scary possibility) she will feel like she can come to you and talk to you. It would be such a hard situation to be in!! LUV DONNA

    1. that's what i am hoping. i want to try and be the consistency in her life. we're on shaky ground still but here' hoping it improves

  2. :( life is completely different now to when I was a teenager 10 years ago!! I couldn't imagine defying my parents. Yes I rebelled, I smoked ciggies and I went to other places when I was suppose to be somewhere else, but to get a police record? As a teenager?! :( I feel for you, and not sure what I can say. :( its such a difficult position.

    visiting from #teamIBOT

    1. thanks yvette. it's heaps different from when i was a teen 20yrs ago lol. a 13yr old back in my day would be too embarrased to hang out with a 17-18yr old

  3. I was a horrid step-child once and I came good & am now quite close with my step mum. I hope it gets easier for you. But teenage girls are never easy!

  4. Reading this I felt sure you re talking about a 16 or 17 year old, but 13! That's tragic!

    I honestly don't know what to say. You are in such a difficult situation, and I an feel your frustration. That child needs some clear boundaries so that she knows she is loved! Who knows what it going through her head. :(
    Not sure if it helps, but I'll be praying for you all. Xx

  5. Oh, what a hard situation for you all. Hope things settle down asap.