Wednesday, 25 July 2012

what really matters?

We were given sad news this morning that Dh's uncle passed away. He was only 68. It wasn't sudden, as he had been on life support for the last week after an operation. But still too early. He hadn't watched his grandsons grow up yet. He wasn't expecting this only 3 weeks ago. It's amazing what can change in just 3 weeks.
This brings back memories of my mother passing away. She too was on life support. I was only 20. My sister just turned 23. I moved away in the February to the Blue Mountains to only come back the next month to sit with my sister by our mother's hospital bed. I prayed every night that she be taken away from her pain. We sat and sat and waited. The dr's approached us about turning the life support off. That was a huge decision for us to make but one that had to be made. That night we spoke to her and gave her permission to leave us. Even though her eyes weren't open and she couldn't respond we knew she could hear us. We told her we were going to a friends for dinner that night and if she'd prefer to leave while we're out that's ok. I know she heard was only a couple hours later that she passed away. Did she feel anything? don't know. Was she aware that she was leaving? don't know. We were called up straight away. I took the option to see her. I had to know. What did dead look like. She looked peaceful but not there. Listless, colourless, lifeless. It was only a matter of minutes that she was gone but you could tell. I freaked. I couldn't cry, couldn't scream. Nothing came out of me. Pure shock. I practically collapsed. It was over. she was gone. That was 15years ago. I will never forget that feeling.

If you read this post you'll know dh and I didn't have a great weekend. It was on Monday night that we were informed his Aunty had to make the decision whether or not to turn his uncles life support off. They've been married for at least 40years. I couldn't imagine having to make that decision with dh. I didn't even know my mother as long and dh's aunty and uncle knew each other. She gave me life. We took hers. As much as i had been angry with dh i just wanted to hold him close. What must be going through his head that he lost an uncle? Did our fight really matter? What if that was us? What if one of us had to make that decision?What if we fight then suddenly I lose him?I would hate to have him just out of my life like that. Gone. Lifeless, listless, colourless. Or the kids...I don't know how I would cope without them. A little girl miss s age was in a car accident last week. She pulled through but had to have surgery. Happened in a flash. It scares me. My kids are my world.

What really matters in your life?

Linking with things i can't say for pour your heart out and twinkle in the eye for flash blog friday


  1. I'm so terribly sorry about the loss of both your husband's uncle and your mother. As I read this I just couldn't imagine the sadness and heartache in both situations. I'm so very sorry.

  2. I'm sorry for your loss. And yes at these kinds of times it is hard not to think about what we would do if we lost one of those closest to us. I feel physical pain even thinking about something happening to one of my kids. If only we could remain this aware to appreciate and be grateful for our family every minute of every day. Best wishes.

  3. So sorry for your loss. I get panicky thinking about anything happen to my family. I don't know what I'd do without them.