I am not a good wife. I wouldn't like me as a wife if I was the husband. There's a song on my ipod shuffle called help me love. I can't find the lyrics anywhere to write out here. I used to listen to it over and over again trying to soak up the words and hope they'd help me be a better wife. I have all intentions to be but stuff just gets in the way. Or the feeling of well he doesn't do such and such for me so why should I? but I should try harder. I try hard with my friends, so why not with him. He's the father of our children. He's the one I will be with for the rest of my life.
Then I tell people that his daughter has moved in with us full time and due to what we have been through the reaction I get is wow, what a good person you must be. Or wow, you're a good mum to do that I don't think I could. But I am not trying to be a good person by doing it. I am not doing it for brownie points (that would be too draining in fact as I would have to be fake every day). It was one of those things that was truly placed in our hands and we accepted it. A month ago I would no way have been a "good person". If anyone said chatterbox was to move in I would have run a mile. I contemplated moving out with the kids if that ever happened. See, a good person would not be so spiteful. A good person would have taken it in their stride and done the best for the child involved and pushed their fears and bad feelings aside. Instead I swear i was blinded, manipulated and brainwashed by dh's ex. I know that sounds stupid. But she really placed the seed of doubt. She did her best to water it. I thought I was being a good person by trying to help her and dh communicate about chatterbox. In fact I was getting sucked in by a person with not very good intentions and was becoming a not very nice person at all. But I still thought I was doing the right things because I felt sorry for his ex being a single parent and dealing with chatterbox alone. I should have instead been a good person and good wife and stuck by my husband. Not let BM drive a knife through us. The knife is gone now. BM has moved away and things seem different. I don't feel the resentment. With that gone I do hope to become a better wife.
linking with Things I can't say for Pour Your Heart Out and twinkle in the eye for Flash Blog Friday