Friday, 17 February 2012

Being in a step family sux

As I write this i feel sad, angry, hurt, bitter, confused. We are having yet more troubles with chatterbox. To summarise she has been taking off in the middle of the night from her mum's house, hanging out with a friend who smokes and has sex etc (aged 13), wagging school, misbehaving at school, bad attitude, lying about her mum and myself abusing her, the list goes on.
I have been so so involved because no one was doing anything. I was the only one who was firm and could see the seriousness in what she was doing. BM ( bio mum, her mum) and I have developed a really good relationship, and we are (or were) trying to for once be all consistent in how we manage chatterbox. Chatterbox is really not liking this at all and playing up worse as a result. And of course she blames me cos she knows it's all my doing. I am the one who attends her appointments with dr's etc, meeting at school with teachers. I am the one who found her wagging and walking into town one day so grabbed her and put her in the car and dragged her to the police.
DH on the other hand is watching from a distance I feel. He's admitted to falling apart and not coping, but hey it's happening to all of us. I feel so angry with him because i do so much to try and keep this all going and attending things he can't get to or picking her up etc yet feel so unappreciated. i know as  Christian i shouldn't be doing things to be noticed but there's a difference to doing things humbly and being used . I feel used. It's ok for me to do it all but it's not ok for me to be angry when she lies about me. it's ok for me to be the bitch and lay down the rules but it's not ok for him to do it and he's the parent. It's ok for her to feel sad and cry and feel poor me pity me but it's not ok for me. It's ok for him to feel over whelmed and wanting to run but it's not ok for me. it's ok for him to want to protect his daughter but it's not ok for me to wat to protect our children from what is going on without looking like a complete bitch.
2 yrs ago (almost) i recognised she had some sort of anxiety and pleaded with dh to get her to a psychiatrist before it blows up. Nothing was done cos there was the whole parents playing against each other so it was all left alone. Starts highschool a few months later and it has all snowballed from there.
So meanwhile i am the hated one by what i feel is everyone except BM. How ironic is that.
And the thing that bites was our 4 year anniversary yesterday. I hinted to dh ages ago that flowers for harry pot ( where our angel baby is buried) would be nice as flowers and fruit were the symbols for 4 yrs, also appliance, and i got NOTHING!!Yet he was texting chatterbox telling her he'd get her a christmas present, dvd and chocolates if she came over. helloo....can anyone else see what is wrong with this ??
so anyone reading this who isn't married....don't marry a man with kids

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1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you are in such a hard place atm steff!!! And not a fair place either!! Some advice someone gave me recently was to build up the relationship with hubby before anyone else because he'll still be there once the kids are grown up. Maybe you've done as much as you can do for chatterbox? You are so caring with such a good heart! It must be so so hard!!! Luv Donna